Kristen Stewart opened up to Marie Claire about her love life: ‘You don’t know who you fall in love with. You just don’t. You don’t control it. Some people have certain things like, ‘That’s what I’m going for,’ and I have a subjective version of that.
I don’t pressure myself.. If you fall in love with someone, you want to own them – but really, why would you want that? You want them to be what you love. I’m much too young to even have an answer to that question.”
On her favorite roles: ‘Dude. I had no what I’m doing and that’s kind of how I love it. I had no idea ‘Twilight’ was going to be huge. Certain movies I’ve done I thought were going to be amazing did nothing. So it’s fun not having so much control.
It’s kind of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants lifestyle, it’s fun but it’s scary as f***. If it’s not scary, it’s usually, you kind of have to step back and go, ‘You’re probably making this decision because it’s right on paper.’ But unless you get that irking fear, it’s not right.”
On her struggles with acting: ‘I auditioned for a year before I got anything, and I told my mom I was kind of over it. I was like, ‘I don’t want to make you drive around LA anymore. If it’s not happening, it’s not worth it.’ They thought I looked like a boy. I didn’t think it was going to pan out. And then literally that day I got ‘The Safety of Objects,’ which was my first movie.’
On her directing goals: ‘The idea of making a move scares me because I want it to be amazing if people watch it. I don’t want, ‘Oh, how nice. Her first directional debut.’ I want it to be, ‘Boom!” On her haters: ‘I stand by every mistake I’ve ever made. So judge away.’
More: ‘You don’t know who you will fall in love with. You just don’t. You don’t control it. Some people have certain things, like, ‘That’s what I’m going for,’ and I have a subjective version of that. I don’t pressure myself. If you fall in love with someone, you want to own them—but really, why would you want that? You want them to be what you love. I’m much too young to even have an answer for that question.
On not pursuing a college education. ‘The biggest struggle I’ve ever had has been about not going to school and working instead. I was worried about turning down specific individual experiences. Like each movie was, ‘F–k, I have to do that movie.’
I really like being thrown into the unknown and then finding my way. I don’t want to show someone something. I want people to watch me find something,” she adds. Later on, Stewart reiterates that she’s driven by passion, not commission. “I’m kind of, like, an extremist. I really don’t want to be working unless I’m bleeding it. And if I’m not working, then don’t ever try to make a plan with me.’
On press: ‘I have an embarrassing inability, seriously, of summoning fake energy.. I’m just not very good on TV, and it’s not my main goal in life to get good at it. People are like, ‘She just can’t handle’, for lack of a better word—’the spotlight.’
No, actually, I can’t, and that is totally who I am. I love being an actor, but I’m the last person to want to have a birthday party. I don’t try to force it or turn it into something else or fabricate this personality. So I totally agree when people say I’m, like, the most awkward person.’